Dating Game: He Said, I Listened
Geplaatst op 17-12-2024
Categorie: Lifestyle
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Not long ago, I met a fella that I found to be dope. I wont give you details because 1) God forbid he Googled me and found the site (if so, can you please stop reading right now? Please? and 2)there are perhaps three men who could be reading this and thinking “Is this about me?”. Actually, if this is any man who is/was interested in dating me, can you PLEASE LEAVE THIS SITE RIGHT NOW?, but I was digging the brother.
Long story short: he’s about 15 years my senior and he hits me with the “I don’t think I could get serious with someone your age” memo. I was initially offended: am I not pretty enough? Is it because I’m not class mobile yet? Would a doctor or lawyer my age get the same disclaimer? He knew how old I was when we met, so was “serious” never a possibility, or had I somehow taken myself out of the running with something I had said or done?
To be fair, the gentleman in question also said “It wouldn’t be impossible…just difficult” and explained that most of the women he dates are usually closer to his own age. “Isn’t it the same for you?” he asked, “You’d seriously date someone this much older?” Er. I deal with men between the ages of 22 and 42 (insert a dash of shame at both extreme ends of that spread). It’s not so much that I’m so wide open so as to make the playing field bigger, I just tend to like a lot of different sorts of dudes at different stages of their development. It’s more about height personality and cuteness connection.
(Pause: can I mention that Maxwell recorded Urban Hang Suite at 21, 22? I have been alternately depressed and impressed at this fact all week. It didn’t strike me as a big deal back then, since I’m so much younger. Now that I have bypassed 22 myself, I just can’t ever recall knowing a dude who was…like that when we were that young. Or at 25. Or 35…I’m just saying. Okay, back to the show.)
Now, at a different time in my life, my second reaction (after the aforementioned self-doubt) would have been ” Oh, I can prove him wrong.” Mind you, I don’t know this man that well yet and even though I find him to be really attractive, I don’t have nearly enough information yet to say that I like him for real. That doesn’t matter; the game would have immediately changed from “I’m just getting to you know you” to “I gotta show you how dope I am.” The disclaimer would serve as motivation and his disinterest would have made him more appealing. Sick, right? I couldn’t help it.
I conducted myself as such on a number of occasions in the past. If a man said “I’m not looking for a relationship”, I heard “The right woman could make me a believer“. If he said he wanted something more serious than I did, I figured he’d gladly accept that which I was offering before him. Basically, all a man needed to see was the awesomeness of me and his views on relationships (at least as they relate to me and my aforementioned awesomeness) would adjust accordingly. You can pretty much imagine what the success rate looked like with this take on the world.
Well, things done changed. With age comes wisdom, I suppose…even if said wisdom isn’t sufficient when it comes to getting this particular gent in a Jet wedding photo with me. He said he doesn’t see himself getting in a relationship with a woman my age and so, I will treat him accordingly. I’m not going to attempt to push the issue or approach him in the way I would someone who seemed open to making the Toldjadome his home. Why? Cause he already let me know where he stands on the matter.
This may seem like a whole lot to say about someone I’m not trying to get at on a serious level, but he was just a vessel for me to make a point I’ve been mulling for quite some time. It is imperative that we learn to hear what people are telling us, even when it’s not what we want to hear. This may sound like some old Captain Obvious advice, but boy, how many times have I heard a friend bend and twist a very clear statement in to something more pleasing to their own ear? How much time could we all save if we dealt with the information we were handed from the people we date instead of the subtext we wished was there?
While I realize that people can change their minds over time, I have accepted that I cannot delude myself in to thinking I am just a few tasty home-cooked meals and lovemaking sessions away from convincing someone to change his views and walking off into the sunshine with me. I truly appreciate it when I feel that someone hears what I say and I owe the men in my life the same respect. My bread pudding may just be a game changer…but if you act like you don’t want it, you ain’t gonna taste it.